end of 2012

it's 17th december 2012, few more days and it'll be happy new year 2013, everyone will be celebrating the coming of new year, new hope, new life, new beginning.. i pray that Allah will give me and my family all the happiness in this world and hereafter.. i lost my father, he passed away on 7th November 2012 in his sleep (after battling with his sickness for as long as i can remember) at the age of 57, on the 8th he was supposed to be 58.. everything about my life has been about him, ever since he got sick, i couldn't go anywhere for the fear that my family members would call me up and tell me that he's gone.. i always made sure i stay close to home, always made sure i come back every weekend to do the weekend chores and look after abah and the girls, andy will send abah to dialysis every saturday, cooking for him although i don't think i could cook to save my life, and abah would always told me that it's nice, i've improved on my cooking.. the last time we went out as a family was on 26th October 2012, it was eid adha, we eat at johnny's bukit raja, (his favourite eating place apart from chicken rice shop) and while shopping for shoes, he sat at the massage chair and we had to refill the rm1 again and again, and when we're done, he said just one more time like a small kid.. too much memories, joy, pain, love, laughter, journey.. my life has always been about abah.. i miss abah, he was Allah's gift to me, his memories is Allah's gift to me.. but everything in life is temporary.. al-Fatihah..

2011

it's 2011, and i'm 31..

i got married on 12.12.2010..

i'm happily married and loving every minute..

let's see few months or years down the line alright, :)

2009..

my first posting for this year..

2008 was alright, too many downs then ups but life is not fair anyway, i've understood that part a long time ago.. i have not learn to accept it but i understood it.. part of life..

i have turned 29, haha, one more year to go before 30.. whoever said that a woman should be married and have kids and a career by the age of 30 certainly hasn't met me, hahahaha..

i'm still with andy, why?? i have no idea, still the same fights, same arguments, if ever, it may have gotten worse.. until when can i tahan all this shit?? no idea, i'm trying my level best to be patient with him and his nonsense, and i honestly don't know when i'll actually explode..

love life sucks, put it aside..

my friends love life seems to be better so here goes, my best friend joni got married to her other half.. ema and ilya are pregnant and waiting for their first born.. yeay..

my eldest sister is pregnant too, woo hoo, after 10 years of marriage, alhamdullillah, she's expecting and due on march, i'm finally gonna be an aunt.. am excited for her and her husband, both waiting so patiently all this while..

throughout it all, i missed kak baby (rip), my late sister, i wished that she was here..

it's eid..

it's the 4th day of eid today, i was sick from the eve of eid and i only got truly better today, had a lovely dinner with joni and noveen and basically that's raya for me.. usually the 1st morning of eid i'll go with my family to visit my late sis at the kubur, this year i was sick and so was baba, so we both stayed home.. andy came and visit me for a while in the afternoon and left before it was dark, apparently bcos nak pergi beraya.. as much as i tried to understand, i secretly resent him for doing that, i was sick to the extend sampai pakai socks bcos it was just so damn cold and my body was freaking hot.. i couldn't even keep a straight face while entertaining joni and noveen when they came the 2nd day of raya and i was a bit better on that day, so imagined how i was on the 1st day..

i missed my fiancee, we used to be so close together and these past few months, i don't even know him anymore, it scares me.. sometimes it's just easier to let go, maybe it is time to let go, i don't know, everything is such a blur.. the only time when we do actually talk is when we're fighting, i do wonder that maybe if we were to end up together, that will be our only choice of communication, which is so not healthy for a relationship.. i'm envious of ppl who has found their partner in life and works at building it, i thought i found my partner, but with each passing day, i started to question my choice, did i settle bcos i thought this is the best i could ever find? did i settle bcos it was about time when almost everyone i know is either engaged, or married, or planning to get married or even having babies?? did i settle?? i'll always joke with joni that maybe even the day she's pregnant, i'm still not sure when's my wedding day, it's so much easier to take things lightly then taking things so seriously..

there are number of times that i think to myself, maybe if i haven't met him, life would be so much simpler.. we're together for almost 3 years, he's not romantic, i know, i've accepted it, but i am, not to the extend of roses and candlelight dinner, but i'm romantic enough, my ideal night is cuddling right next to him watching a good movie, seriously, that's it.. i get to feed off his warmth and feel really safe in it, and even that is a very, very rare occasion.. the point is i'm sad, that is all there is to it actually, i'm sad that the one man that i want to spend the rest of my life with rather be with his family and spending each waking moment he has with them instead of me..

i came across a saying that goes something like this:-
"it's better to marry someone who loves u more than u love him"

i'm starting to see some truth in it..

ramadhan 2008

it's ramadhan already, so grateful and thankful that i've made it to another ramadhan.. less than 2 weeks to go and then it's hari raya aidilfitri.. my hari raya has been the same for the past few years, wake up in the morning, mandi sunat raya then go to the kubur to visit my late sister and then come back home and makan makan.. last year i followed andy to his relatives house, i guess this year would be the same too.. almost everyone is excited about raya and well it used to be a lot of fun when i was small, going to different houses around the neighbourhood mintak duit raya, hehehe.. but now that i'm older the fun part is just giving the duit raya, i'm not sure if it should be fun though..

a lot of events were happening around my life involving friends, joni got engaged and the wedding date is 29.11.2008, gwenny is giving birth to a baby girl early october, ema is expecting a baby soon insya-Allah in february i think cos she told me it's 4 months already now, so many friends got married, i guess i'm the only one who has gotten engaged since last year that hasn't got married, :) oh well, it's not that i don't want to but maybe it's not the time yet, abah hasn't been feeling well for the past few months, financial wise not so good either what with the inflation and not, so i'm just hoping for the best and i wish it'll come sooner than later..

Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha

tomorrow is hari raya haji, yeay.. another holiday for sure for all Malaysians, i think the Arabs country celebrated hari raya haji today, hhhmmm, weird kan, same celebration but different days of celebrating it..

and then few days after that is Christmas, yeay another holiday, Malaysians are spoiled with holidays, i mean we have too many holidays, not that i'm complaining, sure could use much more, hehehe..

abah asked me few days ago when are we getting married, me and andy lah kan, who else? what's the budget like, when are we going to start our preparation, etc and the only answer andy gave was that it's all up to me, as if i'm the only one getting married and he's not, men always lepas tangan kan.. dah lah the engagement that day i tried to settle as much as i could on my own, with the help of my family, wedding also i have to do, hish, stress stress.. just the thought of preparing for it already gives me this much stress, when the real time comes to prepare for it, for sure i would lose my mind..

if it's up to me, i don't want a huge wedding, i mean it's such a waste of money, daripada abah spends it on the wedding might as well give me the money for me to buy a house ke, kereta ke, now that would be an idea right, hehehe.. wedding is just for one day, few days for others but marriage is a lifetime, some people would take loans and borrow money just to ensure their wedding day is grand and ended up still paying for it even after few years of marriage, no naming names is particular but i know some people who have done so.. probably a small akad nikah at home with close families and friends, similar to that of the engagement ceremony, habis cerita.. but then there'll be gossips flying all around, no money to do the ceremony lah, save budget lah, i don't know what lah, we're all so consumed with what others have to say that we forget the wedding should be about us, and those who came should be thankful that they're even invited and thought of, leceh betul lah..

on a different note, i wish the flooding would ceased as soon as possible, for those to celebrate aid adha and also bcos school is opening soon..

battleground

on 15th dec, it was the final for battleground, my younger brother daffi and his group racken force along with dennis, becky and nikki are in the finals and the other group is twister et.. i went to ruums kl as early as 4.30pm thinking that it'll be jammed up, knowing kl these days, every day is a crazy day what with the "street party" and all.. tengok2, we reached at 5pm, i went with aisyah(my 19 year old sister) and andy.. by 7pm, it was already crowded and we managed to go in before anyone else, so we were pretty much "enter frame" most of the time, hehehe.. fyi, battleground is a group dancing competition and it was aired on wah lai toi, we even had to subscribe to the dynasty package because of this, hhhmmm..

it was crazy, i was shouting too much and too loud, even mommy watching at home told me afterwards she could hear my voice shouting racken force, aired live on national tv, hehehe.. i guess all the shouting and screaming last time after boy bands paid off, hahaha.. but it was definitely worth shouting for, his group was hot, crazy mad hot, and they indeed deserved the first prize, and i'm not saying it cos he's my brother, bcos he is good and the rest in his group are equally good with each of them bringing in their own expertise..

enjoy the photos, for those who didn't watch it, too bad, your lost..